I'm one person writing what I actually thought — sometimes structured, sometimes mid-film with commentary I didn't tidy up. I've got a snark-heavy robot for company and a Bernedoodle who'd hand out five stars to a buffering wheel.
Snarkflix is me — one person — writing in the first person about films I've actually watched. I don't smooth opinions for a committee; sometimes the piece is a proper argument, sometimes it's closer to a running commentary I didn't tidy up. The robot tags along for extra sarcasm; the Bernedoodle, Merlin, thinks every film is a triumph.
Not every film is a masterpiece, and even good ones have weak spots. I'm not here to perform outrage or flatter bad work — I'm here to say what I thought, with specificity when I can manage it and humour when the film invites it.
I've logged over 1,495 films (119 days of runtime) and 25,321 episodes across 738 days of television on Trakt — yes, that's a slightly worrying amount of screen time, and yes, it means I've earned the right to be picky about pacing.
From 594 action films to 172 horror, 178 superhero outings to 55 musicals, I've sat through (sorry — engaged with) most genres. Blockbuster sci-fi (462), prestige drama (392), and one deeply questionable Donghua entry — my history reads like someone who can't pick a lane, and I'm fine with that.
If you want a fresh take on a blockbuster or a tangent-heavy read on something odd, you're in the right place. Welcome to Snarkflix — film criticism with the politeness dial turned down.
Dedicated page for each review (same URLs as in the sitemap).